M3/D1 - Unit 21

 M3 - Unit 21     

Black - Original answer and question

Green - Improved answer

Red - Why feedback was useful

What genre is your show?

Because you seem to have two narrative structures happening at the same time you have the person going missing and you have the horrifying creepy nuns. I think you need to decide which it is. Is it that you are creating this horror style drama where you have this order of nuns that are creating rituals, et cetera or is it that you have a mystery of somebody going missing that you are then , figuring out what happened I think you need to pick which one of those

The main narrative will be that the friend group don't trust Lucas when he says that he sees things since hes skitzophenric, and he sees a nun and gets caught by the nuns and he goes missing, the nuns dont do anything but try to turn him into one but the narrative will mainly be about the friends consequences of using drugs. this feedback was useful because my series will not be at risk of discrimination against nuns which will appeal to more people and wont be seen as discriminative series, in my series i will not have any bad comments about nuns and i will have nun outfits

You’ve mentioned a lot of cliffhangers happening at the end of every episode. Can you give me examples of those?

For instance, at the end of episode one are we going to see a creepy nun? Grab a teenage boy so we don’t see what happens to him? Are we going to see a bunch of blood and not know who’s blood? It is? Are we going to see a bunch of people screaming and don’t know what they’re screaming at.

 At the start Lucas will have his first skitzophenric  attack, where he sees things that arent there and ends up in hospital, then after a week he comes out with his friends and they all smoke, which helped lucas at the moment but later on we see the consequences, each episode will hear a noise and sudden movement on the camera and the episode will go black and in the next scene we see lucas in a hospital bed. this feedback was useful because i now have a clear understanding on wat types of cliffhangers i will be including in my series. such as a scream in the end of the first episode and it will go to black

If you’re gonna go with a horror theme, you need to think about what conventions you’ll use. for instance you’re obviously using jump scares to make the audience build in anticipation. You also seem to have the theme of drug usage or “sin” causing death destruction or pain to the character.

 I will show drugs in a bad why so that it discourgaes young audiences from using them, it is informative and links to users and gratification this helped me to understnad that i cant use/show drugs as much as i wanted to in my series because it may encourage the younger audience to do drugs, i will show the repercussion and will not glorify the use of smoking. I will do this by showing the harmful impact of smoking weed and will go to the POV of lucas where he sees things that arent there and we see how paranoid which link to my theme of horror

You also mention the long-term effects of drugs and how that can cause schizophrenia how are you gonna accurately portray this?

Weed is linked to causing skitzopheria, and lucas already has it after all the friend joking about it for years, he has his first breakdown and no one knew he was actually skitzohpernic. And itll show how lucas acts normal when hes sober but when he smokes hes very scared and ovetthinks etc. this feedback helped me to understand how i will be showing skitzopernia because the way i was going to show skitzophenria may offend some people however now i can show it without having to worry about people being offended and his friends will be helping him to encourage the younger audience to help out friends 

Are you gonna make sure that you have a mental health advisor on set in the writers room in order to make sure that you aren’t being stereotypical in your representation? Also think you only need to have one character with schizophrenia at the beginning of the show as a post to All the characters have schizophrenic breaks further in the show I think having that character with schizophrenia struggling with that that is the quality story. They’re seeing his parents deal with managing his seeing him pushback at wanting to be notable seeing him the difference you can be when you’re having a schizophrenic break and when you’re healthy mentally the difference in that person can be massive and how that affects the people that love him, maybe he’s not schizophrenic before the show but maybe that’s what happens in episode one and we see his manic Ness manifest in these nuns only for us to was left on the cliffhanger in episode six as to whether or not they were part of his schizophrenic break or whether it was like a joint delusion or if they are real.

 At first lucas is shown as a normal teenager and not a scruff like the others in the friend group, but when he smokes outside the church, he has his first breakdown which triggers the disruption. this feedback helped me to build my friend group characters and have a clear on the way i show the friend group and build the character through showing their old activities and we see some of the friend groups family and past experiences 

Are you narrative or character based?

Mainly narrtive based, because my aim is to discourage young audiences from using drugs, however the character backgrounds will link in aswell because we see how it makes them upset and shows us why they chose to start smoking this helped me to understand how i will build the story of my narrative and how i will show the friend group and build their character through how they act in the scenes 

You have a lot of narrative happening here which could mean that your narrative driven and if so you need to figure out what those really clear lines of narrative are so that you’re not getting your themes crossed over where is if your character-based you need to pick that main character who struggling with schizophrenia and you need to focus on that and that alone and how his mental health issues can affect everybody around him personally I think that’s the strongest story having hints at the nuns later on.

Yes hes only seen as someone who struggles when he starts smoking at the church, after his breakdown and interaction with the nuns he is seen as a very quiet and scared person and doesn't talk alot, however his friends support him rather than bullying him like they did before the breakdown this creates a good ending to my series, this is because i am able to show that people can be happy without the things they are addicted to if they are able to over come the challenges they have in life

My reflection 

Overall, I believe my pitch went well, i had a clear understand on what my narrative would be but didnt have a full understanding on how i was going to potray my friend group, however now i know that i will include females instead of just males in my series. I had a clear understanding on how i was going to show drugs in my show, which will be fake props and will not be shown in a good way to discourage my audience from using drugs. I knew how i was going to show nuns in my series. I was confident throught my whole pitch and answered the questions as well as i could, and i have made changes from some of the quesrions i was unsure about.