P4 - unit 22

 P4 - scriptwriting

first draft

The strengths of this first draft is the setting and tone of my script, it’s set in a graveyard which is a horror themed location. They also have a good group dynamic and is a believable group interactions and gradually builds tension throughout the script. The way the characters speak and have a conversation is also a believable teenager conversation. Howverr Lucas seeing things needs to be clearly in his perspective. And may need a reason as to why Lucas is the shy character which I’ll do through a flashback. my feedback was alo to include more details in action blocs which i will now focus on doing

second draft

changes from first draft - added suspense, more tension, like when lucas goes into the church, and blake closes the door behind him, almost like a betrayal, builds the tension in the friend group. new plot development, lucas hears his brother and then goes to a flashback, builds  

i also added more detail in the action bloc which will help the production team and actor know what to do in scenes, and made sure that i had my sluglines in capitals. my feedback was that 

i should make lucas more of a emotional character but show why, which i started by making a flashback which will show lucas and his brother and i will make a story about what happened at the graveyard in the past for lucas, and try build tension more in the church.graveyard, which i can do through visuals/pov of lucas and make smoother transition/ include more.

third draft

i have made changes from draft 2, such as the new plot/story about lucas's flashback to childhood where he lost his brother in the church, it was a mystery as to how he disappeared. it explains why lucas is such a scared person, espically around the church. so aswell as the church being a creepy place, its also a emotional place. i have also built more tension between the friends, and blake starts to become too cocky. i have made sure that the narrative builds and the character narrative build, such as the tension between them, espically blake bullying lucas, and have used smooth transitions to do so. the feedback was mainly to make sure that people go help lucas, but build more tension by doing so and maybe leave this on a cliffhanger to make the audience want to watch more which they will have to do in the next episode. also show blake having consequences since he has been bullying lucas and some of the key points of my series was the effect of bullying and consequences of using drugs.

final draft

i have included blake having consequences, such as when xander and kuba confront him and they have a small fight, and then blake ends up being "kicked" from the group and walks off, im not sure whether ill show him in the series after that yet. ive also given him a clear arc, where he goes from ebing cocky and overconfident to walking off lookin upset and not so confident anymore. which also builds tension and character arc. the improvements i have made from 3rd draft is it cuts back to lucas in the church, and hes still very panicked and screaming, and we also see the group debating wether to go into the churc to help lucas or not, since they are also fairly scared which shows the friend group is tested and become even closer in future episodes, followed by the evil laugh and lucas screaming and cut to black, nuilds tension and makes the audience want to keep watching and find out what happens next, in future epsidoes lucas will be saved and the friend group becomes closer without blake in the group, and they will find out lucas does have schizophrenia and they feel really bad fro making fun of him for years collectively.